my vag is so smooth its legendary
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
