so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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