Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
