my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
