we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
