He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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