everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
