Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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