here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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