I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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