i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
