its not stalking. its research.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
