Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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