Dude my mom stole all your condoms
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
