i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
