I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
