The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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