then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
