Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
