You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
