New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
