cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
