My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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