Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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