I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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