the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize