I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
