Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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