I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
