Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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