Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
