Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
