I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
