you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
