you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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