I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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