New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
