i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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