how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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