Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
