My room smells like vodka and shame
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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