So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
