I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
