Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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