Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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