Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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