Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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