My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
