Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
