ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Is Oprah even human
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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