its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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