i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
